“How do we stop people from texting while they drive?” I remember the speaker asking this question during a seminar on creative problem solving like it was yesterday. The audience instantly jumped into brainstorming mode, listing solutions such as “automatically lock phones over a certain speed” or “post more intense signs spreading awareness of the consequences” or “increase the penalties to match drinking and driving.”
Then the speaker asked a subtly different question: “how do we stop people from driving while they text?” For a moment, the crowd was silent. I could see the gears turning. Eventually solutions started coming: “make more frequent pull offs along the highway” and “improve access to public transit” were two that stick out to me.
Do you see how different the answers to these two subtly-different questions are? One tries to control the behavior of drivers, the other of texters.
You Experience the Story You Tell Yourself
If just changing the word order could have such a dramatic effect on our perception of the “texting and driving” issue, I wonder what the stories we tell ourselves do to our experience of the world around us.
- We use words like “grind, push, hustle, endure” to describe exercising and then wonder why we never want to go.
- We use words like “deadline, stress, work” to describe studying for a course and then wonder why we don’t want to do our homework.
Changing the Narrative
I think it’s natural to assume we experience something and then tell a story about it. But the truth is the opposite: we tell ourselves the story first and then the experience (typically) changes to match our expectations.
You experience the story you tell yourself. Label something as grueling and it will be. Find words that you like and inspire you, and you turn the narrative on its head. What if you just decided that you wouldn’t hate experiences anymore? After all, they’re going to happen whether you like them or not. What good does choosing to have a negative experience do us?
“That waiter took forever to bring us our food!”
“Dinner took longer than we expected. I am so thankful for the extra time we were given to just sit and talk with each other.”
Conclusion
I think this idea stems from whether we view ourselves as “outside-in” or “inside-out.” Does the external world define your existence, or do you decide who you are?
This is who I am now, not what I do. Life is not a problem to be solved, it’s an experience to cherished. My kids aren’t a problem to be solved, every moment with them is precious. Homework isn’t a grind, it’s something we asked for so we could learn a new subject that’s been previously unattainable. Exercise isn’t a punishment, it’s a chance to experience what it’s like to step safely out of our comfort zone and come home with a broader perspective of what we thought possible.
So, what story are you telling yourself?
